Harry Nilsson's 'the point!' animated film (1971)

the point

when i was about two or three i owned this pink bunny suit that my nanny(my grandmother on my dad's side--not the babysitting variety) gave me for christmas. i think it had something to do with the fact that my parent's and i watched 'the christmas story' 5865864059505 times repeatedly each time the holidays rolled around.

i keep having the same dreams,or i should say-the same things in repeated patterns. i dreamt last night that i was floating down the peconic river with peterr which then turned into the hudson river (hudson-on annandale area---bard territory) on these rafts we made out of fall leaves that were turning colors as the trip became progressively longer. for some reason art basel in miami got moved to a particular point in the river which then became the ocean and then i could hear harry nilsson singing 'think about your troubles' which is from the album/fable 'THE POINT!'(the exclamation point is in the title by default-not my glee.) which was b.t.w made into an animated that aired in the early 70s. its funny because wikipedia quotes nilsson as saying, "I was on acid and I looked at the trees and I realized that they all came to points, and the little branches came to points, and the houses came to point. I thought, 'Oh! Everything has a point, and if it doesn't, then there's a point to it.'"
whenever i listen to 'the point!' it also reminds me of second grade when i faced my first run in with societal issues among peers. to cheer me up, my teacher miss yakobisyn took me in her lap and sang 'think about your troubles' until i could sing along with her in front of the class and then the rest of the class turned into a really quiet and nice singalong and i felt so happy and non stressed.
regardless, as the dream progressed down the river, i lost track of peter who was wooed onto shore by various art school broads(we waved goodbye) and i ended up finding an unopened package of blue ink ballpoint pens and decided that if i thought hard enough i could get the pen's ink to transform into stronger currents so that i could sail farther away from the madness of an art crowd and then use another pen to draw bigger sails and wings so that i could just fly or float on above the calm waters. the mountains and

these are a few of my favorite things...

I heard this old story before Where the people keep on killing for their metaphors But don't leave much up to the imagination So I want to give this imagery back But I know it just ain't so easy like that So I turn the page and read the story again and again and again It sure seems the same with a different name We're breaking and rebuilding and we're growing, always guessing Never knowing We're shocking but we're nothing We're just moments, we're clever but we're clueless We're just human, amusing and confusing We're trying, but where is this all leading? We'll never know It all happened so much faster than you can say disaster Want to take a time-lapse and look at it backwards From the last word and maybe that's just the answer that we're after But after all we're just a bubble in a boiling pot Just one breath in a chain of thought We're moments just combusting We feel certain but we'll never, never know It sure seems the same, give it a different name We're beggin and we're needing, and we're trying, and we're breathing Never knowing We're shocking but we're nothing We're just moments, we're clever but we're clueless We're just human, amusing and confusing We're helping, rebuilding and we're growing Never know Knock knock, coming door to door To tell you that their metaphor is better than yours And you can either sink or swim and things are looking pretty grim If you don't believe in what they're spoon-feeding It's got no feeling so I read it again and again and again It sure seems the same, so many different names Our hearts are strong, our heads are weak, we'll always be competing Never knowing We're shocking but we're nothing We're just moments, we're clever but we're clueless We're just human, amusing, confusing But the truth is all we got are questions We'll never know.
-Jeeyoung


she's one of the best things that's left of the fourth floor.

here is where we meet.

"Desire has been the cause of all my wounds, yet life without wounds isn't worth living. Desire is brief - a few hours or a lifetime, both are brief. Desire is brief because it occurs in defiance of the permanent. It challenges time in a fight to the death."
-john berger.

these days my friends arrive on planes

ive been enjoying the new house. its taken me a little while to finally unpack some boxes,
but im happy. last night i went to travis and morgan's house to visit the dead christmas tree forest that they have in their basement. they took the time to go up and down people's different streets and collect all of the trees that no one wanted anymore(it had to be about twenty or so standing patiently in the basement).
it smelled like christmas. or at least the wonderful fragrance a christmas tree brings to a room when it is first installed. i wanted to put that fragrance in a bottle and carry it in my pocket always to remind me of the days right after thanksgiving where my parents, brothers,and i would drive to landscape adventure in aquebogue and spend an hour or so trying to find the perfect tree to fill our living room.

i wish i could figure out where my old self has gone off to.
maybe its hiding between those twenty dead trees.
or maybe my old self never got old in the first place.

this was from a few weeks ago looking back

'graduation' isn't as frightening as i thought it would be. my insecurities lay more on the fourth floor of the fine arts building in the halls of each aisle lingering between the lockers and the frowns of disappointed professors. I have been enjoying my new found freedom and will always wish i were somewhere else. i sat on my parent's front porch last night staring at the sky. it was too cloudy for a viewing of the moon. i used to have a better recognition of the waxing and waning of the moon. now i kind of just attempt to photograph it whenever i can, take the moment to look up at the sky in search of stars, or i check the internet for the moon's cycle chart. i have been having a couple of tough times trying to understand human nature or at least in regards to people i have met in the last year or so. sometimes i wonder what its like to have a consistent group of people that are always there no matter how lonely you may be. the loneliest place in the world is the one in my chest. i used to try and call certain people whenever it truly hurt because i was afraid(and continue to worry) i was dying. some people like to cut,burn, or drink until they no longer feel anything or the pain is just as bad as the emotional variety and that is when they feel free. i've learned quite a bit from NOT doing most of those destructive things. i know better. i don't drink to get wasted. for the longest time i was convinced that the only time people could communicate with me was when they were drunk because i already talk too much as it is when i am sober and being in a drinking situation made it easier for people to 'handle' me. (i say this on reflection of a few conversations i've had with close friends. i'm a piece of work. i can't help that my chemical structure is off kilter. 'intense' is another adjective to describe the way i am when my mouth is open and i am speaking)
when i am sitting on my window seat in my tiny nook of a bedroom on the second floor looking out onto many lights and the vibrations from the street below intensify as the traffic light turns green, i wonder what travis and morgan are doing across the street. yet i am HAPPY that i can actually visualize and know that the steeple on the black and white house is THEIR HOUSE.
and i can visit and vice versa.
ive never been great at conclusions or finishing a story without starting another one but i just consider my blog an easier way for people who know me or do not or did for a few moments(i tend to meet people and have epic adventures that could span between 2 hours to 2 days....i was lucky enough to spend two months in adventure-never neverland walking over the williamsburg bridge and sharing thoughts and cookies and drawings during last winter and althogh it is gone forever, at least i was lucky enough to have it for a little while.)
maybe 'magic'(ie; the things that make your cheek muscles ache from smiling so hard and so openly that you can feel your breath on the back of your teeth as the grin widens like the man in the moon's. or when you find a metrocard with unlimited abilities or an iphone-i miss mine, or a stray cat that walks up to you and gives you the nicest greeting on a very bitter winter's night when you feel hopeless and he rubs his nose on your calf and although you can't take the cat home,you buy him a can of cat food to fillhis empty belly and you lean against the carlot so happy that you could give something to a small creature and feel so happy and complete regardless of the cost. or my all time depiction of magic is acquiring a car and driving to the ocean and staring at the moon and/or Ursa Minor and Ursa Major or maybe just a couple of unnamed stars yet to be named. maybe i'm luckier than i thought. maybe the epic moments make up for the other 75% where i am alone. then again, maybe those minimal moments were well worth it.